Help a Grieving Friend

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Grieving people were asked, “What do you want by way of communication for people close to you?”

What we really need is someone who will:

LISTEN

Carefully to everything
Being unconditional
And non-judgemental as an equal
Allowing us to talk freely
Without too much comment
Without giving advice – unless asked.
Asking about feelings;
Reflecting back our fears, anxieties, anger etc.
Allowing repeats
And prepared to be an emotional ‘punching bag’.

COMFORT

Giving strength and genuine caring
With honesty and empathy,
And give physical comfort too.

Be SENSITIVE

Knowing when to listen
When to talk – and when not to.
Sometimes just being still – together,
Waiting, patiently allowing
Us to raise the topic
When and if we choose to;
Aware of body language.

Be TOLERANT

Understanding, open – and responsive
Free to express feelings also.
And when listening, will
Concentrate
Have good eye contact
Sit level – facing opposite
Without obstacles in between
Without distractions
Nothing in the hands
Not watching the clock
Allowing us to ‘let go’ in our own time
Of fear, anger, helplessness
Resentment, suppression, confusion etc.
Without being uncomfortable.

When asked “What do you NOT want?”

What we do not like:

Is Sympathy
To be excluded from discussions
To be over protected
To be fussed over
To be nagged.

And we really do appreciate good friends:

“Someone with whom you dare to be yourself”

© Gizelle Forgie 2014

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